The Greatest Tool I Made For You
If you don't already have it, here it is...
If you are new here you probably don’t know about the FREE Bipolar Wellness Workbook I put together for you.
I share what this workbook is all about, why I made it and how it has helped me both prior to and following my diagnosis of bipolar 1 in this week’s episode.
The biggest things I spent years running away from I was finally ready to face in this workbook and I know you will resonate with some of my answers…
Where do you start when it feels overwhelming?
1. Getting clear on your triggers- if you are a visual person like me, it will help to write these out. Here are some of mine….
“I talk about triggers because that was my biggest hurdle at the beginning, before my diagnosis and after my diagnosis, it was really just identifying what are the situations or factors in my life that I can control, that when these things are off or not right, they lead me to feeling very unwell, not safe, not heard, and just overall in a very bad headspace.
So some of the triggers for me, the big ones are my sleep schedule being off, no exercise, wanting to isolate, having a lot of arguments/fighting, unexpected changes to my plans, losing interest in my passions, stress and drinking a lot. These are the things I've been able to identify for myself that when I see these coming up in my day, my thoughts, my routine, I notice a difference in myself.”
2. Once we have a clear idea of our triggers, we can focus on determining what wellness looks like for us and how to maintain this.
Something I am working on defining is what wellness looks like for me with my relationship to alcohol. If you read my story, you know the unhealthy ways I would delay caring for my mental health by partying and drinking to “have fun.”
Well…. a big trigger for me in the past was how I used alcohol and viewed it. Over the years, I have made many changes. One of the biggest ones I made following my honeymoon this year, was cutting back on drinking.
When I first met my husband 5 years ago, I slowly went from drinking 3-4 times a week to every single weekend to once a week. Then, I took 2 weeks off of drinking this past September which ended up being 2 months.
In case you didn’t know, I ran a 10k on 11/12 … 2 weeks ago and was encouraged to do this by a group of 9 girlfriends who inspired me to sign up.
The issue? I drank one glass of wine on Thanksgiving with my family. Not just any glass of wine but one of the nice bottles my husband and I brought back from Italy.
This was a trigger for me… but why?
Going through my workbook helped me see why I struggled with this. I told myself I might have a drink on special occasions, holidays and celebrations. But, when the holiday showed up and I had my glass of wine… I felt like a failure.
“Wow since you drank that glass of wine all of your progress is gone. You can’t even stay consistent with taking a break from drinking.”
Those are one of the thoughts that I had when I never set any kind of goal to never drink again in my entire life. I just wanted to cut back on this habit in order to make room for other ones.
My husband helped me realize just how unnecessarily hard I was being on myself. He told me that drinking one glass of wine does not take away from all the progress I have made on my training and I can still live a sober lifestyle. I shared with him my relationship with alcohol has shifted from seeing it as something to make things fun to one where I no longer feel pressure to drink at every social outing. I want to be able to drink a few times a year or to celebrate special moments with him without being so hard on myself that I was “breaking my streak.”
Let me also be clear - I was acting like I have been significantly impacted by alcohol or struggled with alcoholism when this was never the case for me. I am only speaking for myself here and no one else but it was becoming obsessive where others around me helped me see that making the choice to drink less is not a bad thing.
This pattern with cutting back on drinking then having one glass of wine and feeling like a complete failure is how I felt earlier this year when I felt all my progress working on myself to live well bipolar was destroyed when my past trauma related to my sexual assault happened.
I did the same thing… I told myself I was not good enough and all the work I put in means nothing. When this was not true at all.
My workbook helps me see these patterns in different areas of my life I am striving to make progress in to continue crafting what Live Well Bipolar means for me.
So when past traumas resurface (because they can and will), remember that you are stronger than you think. Your story and your experiences are your own and just like my relationship with alcohol has changed this year, your relationship to what it means for you to Live Well Bipolar can shift too.
I need to be better at taking my own suggestions of being kinder to myself and knowing that just because I had one glass of wine to celebrate the holiday surrounded by my family… all my progress is not meaningless. Also… just because my past trauma associated with my sexual assault resurfaced earlier this year does not mean all the work I did to heal is meaningless.
For steps 3-5 download my free guide above to learn more about identifying tools to help yourself, how and why to celebrate your progress and how you can get started and continue to do this work.
Thank you for allowing me a space to feel so comfortable being vulnerable with you all.
