What I learned as a psych ward patient
& why I went back to work there
Well… it’s official.
I can now proclaim that it has been “10 years” since my psychiatric hospitalization.
12/19/14 was a day that changed a lot for me.
10 years ago….
I was placed on COT (court ordered treatment).
SMI (Serious Mental Illness) was labeled at the top of my patient paperwork along with my bipolar 1 diagnosis.
I was a lost 19 year old girl trying to find her way out of hell with a broken compass.
The thought of “moving forward” seemed like it could never call my mind home.
So what did I actually takeaway from the 16 days I spent locked inside a psychiatric hospital?
the behavioral health system is in DESPERATE need of reform.
many patients were treated with a complete lack of respect and many I saw were made fun of by staff.
a hospital is not going to heal or move you forward at all… only YOU can do that.
the staff never actually intervened to stop or prevent violent fights… (all they did was clean up the blood smeared on the floor and walls once people were separated).
all every patient wants is to be understood, listened to, respected and treated fairly.
The biggest thing I took away from the only time I spent in that psychiatric hospital 10 years ago is…
Mental illness is not an excuse to put others down but it isn’t an excuse to keep yourself down either.
It pained me to watch staff laugh at and make cruel comments about the patients I shared a floor with.
But it also pained me to watch the patients I got to know… laugh at and make cruel comments about themselves.
I hated watching the treacherous head of stigma turn itself inward to wreck so much havoc.
It was destroying the very hearts of the patients I came to know on that psychiatric hospital floor.
It was destroying me too because I couldn’t stop it from devouring them… no matter how hard I tried.
But I was not going to let the treacherous head of stigma continue to turn itself around and keep eating at the minds of those living with bipolar.
So I went back to that very same facility a few years after my hospitalization…
but this time…
as an employee.
I went back to serve and support the very people just like me… living and struggling with bipolar disorder.
I still recognize that time in my life as a blessing and a curse.
A blessing to provide a listening ear and guidance to those who deserve it (which is evryone).
A curse to watch the cruelty of the system keep those I serve feeling hopeless.
If you want to hear more about my experience on both sides of the aisle…
Check out my latest episode on Spotify here or Apple Podcasts here.
Also… thank you from the bottom of my heart for all those who helped me reach over 100 reviews for my book.
I am forever grateful for every single review and rating because it helps my story reach others who need it.
I used to think that sharing my story wouldn’t impact or help anyone… until I heard from you.
Thank you for being here and thank you for your unwavering support.
Love always,
Paris Scobie
